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Book III, Chapter 22

1.When one of his Scholars, who seemed inclined to the Cynic Philosophy, asked him, what a Cynic must be, and what was the general Plan of that Sect? Let us examine it, says he, at our Leisure. But thus much I can tell you now, that he who attempts so great an Affair without God, is an Object of divine Wrath, and would only bring public Dishonour upon himself. For, in a well regulated House, no one comes, and says to himself, “I ought to be the Manager here.” If he doth, and the Master returns, and sees him insolently giving Orders, he drags him out, and hath him whipt. Such is the Case likewise in this great City [of the World.] For here too is a Master of the Family, who orders every thing. “ You are the Sun: you can, by making a Circuit, form the Year, and the Seasons, and increase and nourish the Fruits; raise and calm the Winds, and give a moderate Warmth to the Bodies of Men. Go: make your Circuit, and thus intimately move every thing, from the greatest to the least. You are a Calf: when the Lion appears, do your Part, or you will suffer for it. You are a Bull: come and fight; for that is incumbent on you, and becomes you, and you can do it. You can lead an Army to Troy: be you Agamemnon. You can engage in single Combat with Hector: be you Achilles.” But, if Thersites had come and claimed the Command, either he would not have obtained it; or, if he had, he would have disgraced himself, before the more Witnesses.

2.Do you too, carefully deliberate upon this Matter: it is not what you think it. “I wear an old Cloke now; and I shall have one then. I sleep upon the hard Ground now; and I shall sleep so then. I will moreover take a Wallet and a Staff, and go about, and will beg of those I meet, and begin by abusing them: and, if I see any one using Means to take off the Hair from his Face, or Body; or setting his Curls, or walking in Purple, I will rebuke him.” If you imagine this to be the Thing, avaunt; come not near it: it doth not belong to you. But, if you imagine it to be what it really is, and do not think yourself unworthy of it, consider how great a thing you undertake. First, with regard to yourself: you must no longer, in any Instance, appear like what you do now. You must accuse neither God nor Man. You must totally suppress Desire; and must transfer Aversion to such Things only as are dependent on Choice. You must have neither Anger, nor Resentment, nor Envy, nor Pity. Neither Boy, nor Girl, nor Fame, nor Delicacies in Eating, must have Charms for you. For you must know, that other Men indeed fence themselves with Walls, and Houses, and Darkness, when they do any thing of this kind, and have many Concealments: a Man shuts the Door, places somebody before the Apartment; “Say, He is gone out; say, He is not at Leisure.” But the Cynic, instead of all this, must fence himself with virtuous Shame; otherwise He will act indecently, naked, and in the open Air. This is his House; this, his Door; this, his Porter; this, his Darkness. He must not wish to conceal any thing relating to him self: for, if he doth, he is gone; he hath lost the Cynic; the open, the free Character: he hath begun to fear something external: he hath begun to need a Concealment; nor can he get it when he will. For where shall he conceal himself, or how? For if this Tutor, this Pedagogue of the Public, should happen to slip, what must he suffer? Can he then, who dreads these Things, be thoroughly bold within, and prescribe to other Men? Impracticable; impossible.

3.In the first place then, you must purify your own ruling Faculty, conformably to this Method of Life. Now the Subject-matter for me to work upon, is my own Mind; as Wood is for a Carpenter, or Leather for a Shoemaker: and my Business is, a right Use of the Appearances of Things. But Body is nothing to me; its Parts nothing to me. Let Death come when it will; either of the Whole, or of a Part. “Go into Exile.” And whither? Can any one turn me out of the World? He cannot. But where-ever I go, there is the Sun, the Moon, the Stars, Dreams, Augurics, Communication with God. And even this Preparation is, by no means, sufficient for a true Cynic. But it must farther be known, that he is a Messenger sent from Jupiter to Men, concerning Good and Evil; to show them, that they are mistaken, and seek the Essence of Good and Evil where it is not; but do not observe it where it is: that He is a Spy, like Diogenes, when he was brought to Philip, after the Battle of Chæronea. For, in effect, a Cynic is a Spy, to discover what Things are friendly, what hostile, to Man: and he must, after making an accurate Observation, come and tell them the Truth: not be struck with Terror, so as to point out to them Enemies, where there are none; nor, in any other Instance, disconcerted or confounded by Appearances.

4.He must then, if it should so happen, be able to lift up his Voice, come upon the Stage, and say, like Socrates, “O Mortals, whither are you hurrying? What are you about? Why do you tumble up and down, Wretches, like blind Men? You are going a wrong Way, and have forsaken the right. You seek Prosperity and Happiness in a wrong Place, where it is not; nor do you give Credit to another, who shows you where it is. Why do you seek it without? It is not in Body: if you do not believe me, look upon Myro; look upon Ofellius. It is not in Wealth: if you do not believe me, look upon Crœsus; look upon the Rich of the present Age, how full of Lamentation their Life is. It is not in Power: for, otherwise, they, who have been twice and thrice Consuls, must be happy: but they are not. To whom shall we give Credit in this Affair? To you who look only upon the Externals of their Condition, and are dazled by Appearances, or to themselves? What do they say? Hear them, when they groan, when they sigh, when they think themselves more wretched, and in more Danger, from these very Consulships, this Glory, and Splendor. It is not in Empire otherwise Nero and Sardanapalus had been happy. But not even Agamemnon was happy, though a better Man than Sardanapalus, or Nero. But, when others are snoring, what is He doing?”

He rends his Hairs ———

And what doth he say himself?

Scarce can my Knees these trembling Limbs sustain, And scarce my Heart support its Load of Pain.

Pope.

Why: which of your Affairs goes ill, poor Wretch? Your Possessions? No. Your Body? No. But you have Gold and Brass in Abundance. What then goes ill? That Part of you, whatever it be called, is neglected and corrupted, by which we desire, and are averse; by which we pursue, and avoid. —— How neglected? —— It is ignorant of that for which it was naturally formed, of the Essence of Good, and of the Essence of Evil. It is ignorant what is its own, and what another’s. And, when any thing belonging to others goes ill it says, “I am undone; the Greeks are in danger!” (Poor ruling Faculty! which alone is neglected, and hath no Care taken of it.) “They will die by the Sword of the Trojans! “ —— And, if the Trojans should not kill them, will they not die? —— “Yes: but not all at once.” —— Why: where is the Difference? For, if it be an Evil to die, whether it be all at once, or singly, it is equally an Evil. Will any thing more happen, than the Separation of Soul and Body? —— “Nothing” —— And, when the Greeks perish, is the Door shut against you? Is it not in your own Power to die? —— “It is.” —— Why then do you lament, while you are a King, and hold the Sceptre of Jove? A King is no more to be made unfortunate than a God. What are you then? You are a Shepherd, truly so called: for you weep, just as Shepherds do, when the Wolf seizes any of their Sheep: and they who are governed by you are mere Sheep. But why did you come hither? Was your Desire in any Danger? Your Aversion? Your Pursuits? Your Avoidances? “No,” says he: “but my Brother’s Wife hath been stolen.” —— Is it not great good Luck then, to be rid of a sorry adulterous Wife? —— “But must we be held in Contempt by the Trojans? “ —— What are they? Wise Men, or Fools? If wise, why do you go to war with them? If Fools, why do you mind them?

5.Where then doth our Good lie, since it doth not lie in these Things? Tell us, Sir; you who are our Messenger and Spy. —— Where you do not think, nor are willing to seek it. For, if you were willing, you would find it in yourselves: nor would you wander abroad, nor seek what belongs to others, as your own. Turn your Thoughts into yourselves. Consider the Pre-conceptions which you have. What do you imagine Good to be? —— What is prosperous, happy, unhindered. —— Well: and do not you naturally imagine it great? Do not you imagine it valuable? Do not you imagine it incapable of being hurt? In what Materials then must you seek Prosperity, and Exemption from Hindrance? In that which is inslaved, or free? —— In the Free? —— Is your Body then inslaved, or free? —— We do not know. —— Do not you know, that it is the Slave of Fever, Gout, Defluxion, Dysentery: of a Tyrant of Fire, Steel; of every thing stronger than itself? —— Yes, it is a Slave —— How then can any thing belonging to the Body be unhindered? And how can that be great, or valuable, which is, by Nature, lifeless, Earth, Clay? What then, have you nothing free? —— Possibly nothing. —— Why: who can compel you to assent to what appears false? —— No one. —— Or who, not to assent to what appears true? —— No one. —— Here then you see, that there is something in you, by Nature, free. But who of you can desire or be averse, or use his active Powers of Pùrsuit or Avoidance, or concert, or purpose, unless he hath been impressed by an Appearance of its being for his Advantage, or his Duty? —— No one. —— You have then, in these too, something unrestrained and free. Cultivate this, Wretches; take care of this; seek for Good here. —— “But how is it possible, that a Man, worth nothing, naked, without House or Home, squalid, unattended, who belongs to no Country, can lead a prosperous Life?” —— See: God hath sent us One, to show, in fact, that it is possible. “Take Notice of me, that I am without a Country, without a House, without an Estate, without a Servant: I lie on the Ground: no Wife, no Children, no Coat; but only Earth, and Heaven, and one sorry Cloke. And, what do I want? Am not I without Sorrow, without Fear? Am not I free? Did any of you ever see me disappointed of my Desire, or incurring my Aversion? Did I ever blame God or Man? Did I ever accuse any one? Hath any of you seen me look discontented? How do I treat those whom you fear, and of whom you are struck with Awe? Is it not like sorry Slaves? Who that sees me, doth not think, that he sees his own King and Master?” This is the Language, this the Character, this the Undertaking, of a Cynic. No: I warrant you; but the Wallet, and the Staff, and the great Jaws: swallowing, or treasuring up, whatever is given you; abusing unseasonably those you meet; or showing a brawny Arm. Do you consider, how you shall attempt so important an Affair? First take a Mirror. View your Shoulders, examine your Back, your Thighs. You are going to be enrolled a Combatant at the Olympic Games, Man; not in a poor slight Contest. In the Olympic Games, a Champion is not allowed merely to be conquered, and depart: but must first be disgraced, in the View of the whole World; not only of the Athenians, or Spartans, or Nicopolitans: and then he, who hath rashly departed, must be whipt too; and, before that, must suffer Thirst, and Heat; and swallow an Abundance of Dust.

6.Consider carefully; know yourself; consult the Divinity: attempt nothing without God: for, if he counsels you, be assured, that it is his Will, that you should be a great Man; or, [which comes to the same thing,] suffer many a Blow. For there is this very fine Circumstance connected with the Character of a Cynic, that he must be beat like an Ass; and, when he is beat, must love those who beat him; as the Father, as the Brother of All. No, to be sure: but, if any body beats you, stand publicly and roar out, “O, Cæsar, am I to suffer such Things, in breach of your Peace? Let us go before the Proconsul.” —— But what is Cæsar to a Cynic, or what is the Proconsul, or any one else, but Jupiter? Who hath deputed him, and Whom he serves. Doth he invoke any other but Him? And is he not persuaded, that whatever he suffers of this Sort, it is Jupiter, who doth it to exercise him? Now Hercules, when he was exercised by Eurystheus, did not think himself miserable; but executed, with Alacrity, all that was to be done. And shall he who is appointed to the Combat, and exercised by Jupiter, cry out, and take Offence at things? A worthy Person, truly, to bear the Scepter of Diogenes! Hear what He, in a Fever, said to those who were passing by. “Sorry Wretches, why do not you stay? Do you take such a Journey to Olympia, to see the Destruction, or Combat, of the Champions; and have you no Inclination to see the Combat be tween a Man and a Fever?” Such a one, who took a Pride in difficult Circumstances, and thought himself worthy to be a Spectacle to those who passed by, was a likely Person, indeed, to accuse God, who had deputed him, as treating him unworthily! For what Subject of Accusation shall he find? That he preserves a Decency of Behaviour? With what doth he find fault? That he sets his own Virtue in a clearer Light? —— Well: and what doth he say of Poverty? Of Death? Of Pain? How did he compare his Happiness with that of the Persian King; or rather thought it beyond Comparison. For, amidst Perturbations, and Griefs, and Fears, and disappointed Desires, and incurred Aversions, how can there be any Entrance for Happiness? And, where there are corrupt Principles, there must all these Things necessarily be.

7.The same young Man enquiring, Whether, if a Friend should be willing to come to him, and take care of him when he was sick, he should comply? And where, says Epictetus, will you find me the Friend of a Cynic? For to be worthy of being numbered among his Friends, a Person ought to be such another as himself: he ought to be a Partner of the Scepter and the Kingdom, and a worthy Minister, if he would be honoured with his Friendship; as Diogenes was the Friend of Antisthenes; as Crates, of Diogenes. Do you think, that he who only comes to him, and salutes him, is his Friend; and that he will think him worthy of being entertained as such? If such a Thought comes into your Head, rather look round you, for some clever Dunghill, to shelter you in your Fever, from the North Wind, that you may not perish by taking Cold. But you seem to me, to want [only] to get into somebody’s House, and to be well fed there a while. What Business have you then, even to attempt so important an Affair as this?

8.But (said the young Man) will a Cynic engage himself in Marriage, and the Production of Children, as a principal Point?

If you will allow me a Republic of Sages, no one there, perhaps, will readily apply himself to the Cynic Philosophy. For on whose Account should he embrace that Method of Life? However, suppose he doth, there will be nothing to restrain him from marrying, and having Children. For his Wife will be such another as himself; his Father-in-Law such another as himself; and his Children will be brought up in the same manner. But as the State of Things now is, like that of an Army prepared for Battle, is it not necessary that a Cynic should be without Distraction; intirely attentive to the Service of God: at Liberty to walk about among Mankind: not tied down to vulgar Duties, nor entangled in Relations; which, if he transgresses, he will no longer keep the Character of a wise and good Man; and which, if he observes, there is an End of him, as the Messenger, and Spy, and Herald of the Gods? For, consider, there are some Offices due to his Father-in-Law; some to the other Relations of his Wife; some to his Wife herself: besides, after this, he is confined to the Care of his Family when sick, and making Provision for their Support. Not to speak of other Things, he must have a Vessel, to warm Water in, to bathe his Child. There must be Wool, Oil, a Bed, a Cup, for his Wife, after her Delivery; and thus the Furniture increases: more Business, more Distraction. Where, for the future, is this King, whose Time is devoted to the public Good?

To whom its Safety, a whole People owes.

Who ought to oversee others; married Men, Fathers of Children: [to observe] who treats his Wife well, who, ill: who quarrels: which Family is well regulated; which, not: like a Physician, who goes about, and feels the Pulse of his Patients: “ You have a Fever; you the Head-ach; you, the Gout. Do you abstain from Food: do you eat: do you omit Bathing: you must have an incision made: you must be cauterised. Where shall He have Leisure for this, who is tied down to vulgar Duties? Must not he provide Clothes for his Children; and send them with Pens, and Ink, and Paper, to a Schoolmaster? Must not he provide a Bed for them? (For they cannot be Cynics from their very Birth) Otherwise, it would have been better to expose them, as soon as they were born, than to kill them thus. Do you see to what we bring down our Cynic? How we deprive him of his Kingdom? —— “Well: but Crates was married.” The Case of which you speak was a particular one, arising from Love; and the Woman, another Crates. But we are enquiring about ordinary and common Marriages: and in this Enquiry we do not find the Affair mightily suited to the Condition of a Cynic.

9.How then shall he keep up Society?

For Heaven’s sake, do they confer a greater Benefit upon the World, who leave two or three sniveling Children in their stead, than those, who, as far as possible, oversee all Mankind; what they do; how they live; what they attend to; what they neglect, contrary to their Duty. Did all they, who left Children to the Thebans, do them more Good than Epaminondas, who died childless? And did Priam, who was the Father of fifty Profligates, or Danaus or Æolus, conduce more to the Advantage of Society, than Homer? Shall a military Command, or any other Post, then, exempt a Man from marrying, and becoming a Father, so that he shall be thought to have made sufficient Amends for the Want of Children: and shall not the Kingdom of a Cynic be a proper Compensation for it? Perhaps we do not understand his Grandeur, nor duly represent to ourselves the Character of Diogenes; but consider Cynics as they are now; who stand like Dogs watching at Tables, and who imitate the others in nothing, unless, perhaps, in breaking wind; but absolutely in nothing besides: else this [which you have objected] would not move us; nor should we be astonished, that a Cynic will not marry, nor have Children. Consider, Sir, that he is the Father of Human kind: that all Men are his Sons, and all Women his Daughters. Thus he attends; thus takes Care of All. What! do you think it is from Impertinence, that he rebukes those he meets? He doth it as a Father, as a Brother, as a Minister of the common Parent, Jove.

10.Ask me, if you please, too, Whether a Cynic will engage in the Administration of the Commonwealth. What Commonwealth do you enquire after, Blockhead, greater than what he administers? Whether he will harangue among the Athenians, about Revenues and Taxes, whose Business it is to debate with all Mankind; with the Athenians, Corinthians, and Romans, equally, not about Taxes and Revenues, or Peace and War, but about Happiness and Misery, Prosperity and Adversity, Slavery and Freedom. Do you ask me, whether a Man engages in the Administration of the Commonwealth, who administers such a Commonwealth as this? Ask me too, whether he will accept any Command? I will answer you again, What Command, Fool, greater than that which he now exercises?

11.A Cynic, however, hath need of a Constitution duly qualified: for, if he should appear consumptive, thin, and pale, his Testimony hath no longer the same Authority. For he must not only give a Proof to the Vulgar, by the Constancy of his Mind, that it is possible to be a Man of Figure and Merit, without those Things that strike them with Admiration: but he must show too, by his Body, that a simple and slender Diet, under the open Air, doth no injury to the Constitution. “See, I and my Body are a Witness to this.” As Diogenes did: for he went about fresh, and plump; and gained the Attention of the Many, by the very Appearance of a healthy Body. But a pitiable Cynic seems a mere Beggar: all avoid him; all are offended at him: for he ought not to appear slovenly, so as to drive People from him; but even his rough Negligence should be neat and engaging.

12.Much natural Agreeableness and Acuteness are likewise necessary in a Cynic, (otherwise he becomes a mere Driveller, and nothing else); that he may be able to give an Answer readily, and pertinently, upon every Occasion. Like Diogenes, to one who asked him, “Are you that Diogenes, who do not believe, there are any Gods?” “How so, replied he, when I think you odious to them?” Again: when Alexander surprised him sleeping, and repeated,

To waste long Nights in indolent Repose Ill fits a Chief, who mighty Nations guides,

before he was quite awake, he answered,

Directs in Council, and in War presides.

Pope ’s Homer. B. II. V. 27.

13.But, above all, the ruling Faculty of a Cynic must be purer than the Sun: otherwise he must necessarily be a common Cheat, and a Rascal; if, while he is guilty of some Vice himself, he reproves others. For, consider how the Case stands. Arms and Guards give a Power to common Kings and Tyrants of reproving, and of punishing Delinquents, though they are wicked themselves: but to a Cynic, instead of Arms and Guards, Conscience gives this Power; when he knows, that he hath watched and laboured for Mankind: that he hath slept pure, and waked still purer: and that he hath regulated all his Thoughts as the Friend, as the Minister of the Gods, as a Partner of the Empire of Jupiter: that he is ready to say, upon all Occasions,

Conduct me Jove, and thou, O Destiny.

And, “if it thus pleases the Gods, thus let it be.” Why should he not dare to speak boldly to his own Brethren, to his Children? in a word, to his Kindred? Hence he, who is thus qualified, is neither impertinent, nor a busy Body: for he is not busied about the Affairs of others, but his own, when he oversees the Transactions of Men. Otherwise say, that a General is a busy Body, when he oversees, examines, and watches his Soldiers; and punishes the Disorderly. But, if you reprove others, at the very Time that you have a Cake [concealed] under your own Arm, I will ask you; Had you not better, Sir, go into a Corner, and eat up what you have stolen? But what have you to do with the Concerns of others? For what are you? Are you the Bull in the Herd, or the Queen of the Bees? Show me such Ensigns of Empire, as she hath from Nature. But, if you are a Drone, and arrogate to yourself the Kingdom of the Bees, do not you think, that your fellow Citizens will drive you out, just as the Bees do the Drones?

14.A Cynic must, besides, have so much Patience, as to seem insensible, and a Stone, to the Vulgar. No one reviles, no one beats, no one affronts him; but he hath surrendered his Body to be treated at pleasure, by any one who will. For he remembers, that the Inferior, in whatever Instance it is the inferior, must be conquered by the Superior: and the Body is inferior to the Multitude, the Weaker to the Stronger. He never therefore, enters into a Combat where he can be conquered; but immediately gives up what belongs to others: he doth not claim what is slavish and dependent: but, where Choice, and the Use of the Appearances, are concerned, you will see, that he hath so many Eyes, you would say Argos was blind to him. Is his Assent ever precipitate? His Pursuits, ever rash? His Desire, ever disappointed? His Aversion, ever incurred? His Intention, ever fruitless? Is he ever querulous, ever dejected, ever envious? Here lies all his Attention and Application. With regard to other Things, he snores supine. All is Peace. There is no Robber, no Tyrant of the Choice. —— But of the Body? —— Yes. —— The Estate? —— Yes. —— Magistracies and Honours? —— Yes. And what doth he care for these? When any one therefore would frighten him with them, he says, “Go, look for Children: Vizards are frightful to Them; but I know they are only Shell, and have nothing withinside.”

15.Such is the Affair about which you are deliberating: therefore, if you please, for Heaven’s sake, defer it; and first consider how you are prepared for it. Mind what Hector says to Andromache.

No more —— but hasten to thy Tasks at home, There guide the Spindle, and direct the Loom. Me, Glory summons, to the Martial Scene, The Field of Combat is the Sphere for Men.

Pope ’s Homer.

Thus conscious he was of his own Qualifications, and of her Weakness.